


The Meaning of Love

by NeedyUke



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Bigotry & Prejudice, Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning, Life Partners, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Tragedy, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 12:10:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8143528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeedyUke/pseuds/NeedyUke
Summary: Jake collapsed onto his knees, no longer having the strength to stand, and watched the love of his life disappear into the distance. Despair ripped through him. “I love you, too” he said to the man who could no longer hear him. He crumpled into fetal position and cried until he passed out.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is by far the most difficult story I have ever written. It took me a very long time to complete, and it haunted me every step of the way. This is ridiculously sad and tragic, but I hope you enjoy~

Kevin and Jake collapsed panting, naked in a pile of hay in Jake’s horse barn; both trying to catch their breath. Kevin pulled Jake closer, kissed his neck and snuggled him while a quiet sob shook through Jake. Their emotions were running high, and they both struggled to hold back the tears. In a few hours when the sun came up, Kevin would have to leave. 

Kevin’s parents learned of his relationship with Jake and had been working very hard to break them up. “It is unnatural,” they said. But the love Kevin and Jake shared was as natural and pure as it got. They were two souls absolutely destined to share eternity together. In one final desperate attempt to “fix Kevin’s misdirected desires” his parents enlisted him in the military for a two year commitment. He was going to war. 

“We could run away together,” Jake whispered. “If we leave now before the sun comes up, we can be far away from here before anyone discovers we are even gone.” His voice was trembling with anxiety.

“Jake…honey…you know we cannot do that. We would be caught before we were a day away.” Kevin sat up and took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. “Trust me a little bit, yeah? We will get through this. Once my two years are done, I will return for you, and we can grow old together in peace.” He flopped back into the hay and closed his eyes. Jake crawled on top of him and rested his head on Kevin’s chest. Both were trying to commit to memory the feel, sound, and scent of the other.

~

Jake saddled the horses while Kevin said goodbye to his sister, Alise. He would ride together with Kevin to their favorite place: the top of the cliff by the ocean. They had all of their “firsts” there under the giant tree that grew near the edge of the cliff: their first tentative hug, their first awkward kiss when they accidentally bumped noses, their first experience with raw desire when their two bodies joined and became one.  
The task of saddling the horses that day was slow and uncomfortable, as if he was moving under water. Jake had performed this duty every day since he could lift a saddle, but today was different. For the first time in his life he did not want to ride horses with Kevin.

Once this arduous chore was done, Jake mounted his horse, Hana, and led Kevin’s horse, Edith, by the reigns out to the path to wait for Kevin. The sunrise was spectacular indeed. Brilliant pinks and oranges filled the sky when the sun crested the horizon. He chewed idly on the tip of his thumb as he was reminded of an old folk tale about red sunrises being a warning sign for bad days to come.

Kevin walked slowly up to his horse and mounted, never looking at his lover. Jake could tell he was on the verge of crying. He knew that Kevin was not good with his emotions. Instead of letting on that he noticed, he decided instead to attempt to change the mood. 

“I wonder if it will rain,” Jake said lamely, knowing how artificial this sounded.

Kevin looked at him with tears shimmering in the corners of his eyes. “I know you are trying to help, but don’t, baby. Please, just don’t.”

They rode for more than an hour in silence along the dusty path towards the scent of the ocean. Neither knew what to say. They watched the seagulls play in the blue sky and could hear the waves crashing against the rocky cliff. Their special tree stood at the edge of the cliff casting long shadows in the morning sun. 

“I could come with you, Kevin. I could fight by your side,” Jake whispered with fat tears threatening to spill from the corners of his eyes.

Kevin dismounted in silence and watched as Jake did the same. They both let the horses loose to graze freely in the open meadow. After a long, deep breath, Kevin turned to Jake.

“No way,” Kevin said with conviction. He took Jake’s face in his hands and looked directly into his sad eyes. “Stay here. Take care of our horses. I will return to you. I promise you. I will return to you,” he said quietly. He kissed Jake soft and slow as his tears finally fell from his eyes. The two lovers both wished they could stay like that forever, but Kevin had to leave.

“I will be waiting right here for you…under this tree,” Jake managed to get out before a harsh sob stole his speech away. “I will be here the first day of every month, waiting with our horses. Waiting for you to return. Waiting to bring you back home. Please don’t forget me.” 

Jake fought to hold it together. He tried to remain strong. He could see that Kevin was struggling, too. Jake rushed forward and threw himself into Kevin’s arms. After a brief but fierce hug, Kevin whispered, “I love you,” then pushed Jake away, turned, and walked away. 

Jake collapsed onto his knees, no longer having the strength to stand, and watched the love of his life disappear into the distance. Despair ripped through him. “I love you, too” he said to the man who could no longer hear him. He crumpled into fetal position and cried until he passed out. 

Hana nudged Jake with her nose hours later and brought him back to his senses. He rubbed his face and decided to head back home before the sun set. He mounted his horse and rode over to where Edith was grazing. He scooped up her reigns and started slowly down the path back home.

_**THREE YEARS LATER** _

Alise let herself into the barn and hollered for Jake. She found him leading Edith out of her stall. “You are not going again, are you?” she asked as she set a basket full of cherries down next to the door. 

“Of course I am going. It is the first of the month,” Jake said completely expressionless and focused on the task of saddling Edith.

“It has been three years, Jake. He was only supposed to be gone for two. I do not think…”

Jake crossed the barn in a flash and glared at her for even entertaining the thought. “DO…NOT…EVEN…SAY…IT,” he said through gritted teeth. “There is no way your brother would ever leave me alone in this world.” He stormed back to Edith and finished saddling her. He took her by the reigns, mounted Hana, and was gone.

A little over an hour later, Jake turned the horses loose to graze and settled in under their special tree…just like he had done once a month for the last three years. Today he brought a sketch book with him and drew from memory pictures of Kevin. The sun felt comforting on his face, and he fell asleep. It was after dark when Hana nudged him awake. With a sigh and a stretch, he mounted his horse, found Edith, and headed for home.

_**FIVE YEARS LATER** ___

__Jake rode on Hana’s back up the long, winding path that led to the house where Kevin’s parents lived. He had never interacted much with Kevin’s parents. For one, they hated him with a burning passion. They believed that it was because of Jake that their son was gay. How could people not understand? How could people get it so wrong? But, the biggest reason that Jake did not interact with them is because Kevin asked him not to. Kevin knew that there was no changing their views on his relationship with Jake and that trying was pretty much pointless. Kevin was always so protective of Jake._ _

__But now, Jake was so lonely and so angry that, despite Kevin’s wishes, he was going to see the very people that separated him from his love._ _

__Jake pulled back on the reigns as he approached the house. Kevin’s father was standing on the front porch with a shotgun in hand. “If you know what is good for you, boy, you will leave this place now and never come back again,” Kevin’s father spat the words like they were poison in his mouth._ _

__Jake felt no fear. He came here to say what needed to be said, and nothing was going to stop him. He dismounted Hana and slowly approached the front porch._ _

__“You _will_ listen to me, old man. I have suffered five longs years since you separated my love from me. You _WILL_ listen to me for just five minutes.” There was a rare fire in Jake’s eyes. _ _

__“You are an abomination. You are a freak of nature. You are a disgusting and vile creature. YOU ARE BROKEN, AND YOU BROKE OUR SON. You deserve all the pain and loneliness this world has to offer…and more,” Kevin’s father hissed._ _

__Jake stood utterly expressionless waiting for the old man to finish. “I am not disgusting, and I am not broken. Neither is Kevin. What Kevin and I have is a love far more pure that anything you have ever known. Your absurd attempts to separate us are weak. Nothing in this world will ever tear us apart,” Jake said very calmly._ _

__“In fact I am here today to give you gift. It is something I wanted to share with you for a long time, but Kevin asked me not to. He said you probably would not appreciate it.” Kevin’s father lowered the shot gun and shifted his weight to one foot as Jake climbed the three steps up to the front porch._ _

__Jake remained completely expressionless while he held out his left hand as if to give this pathetic old man some treasure hidden within his folded fingers. When Kevin’s father looked down to accept the mysterious gift, Jake hammered his face with a tremendous right hook. The old man never saw it coming. The punch was perfectly executed. Kevin’s father was out cold, completely unconscious before he even hit the floor of the front porch. Jake’s face will still vacant of expression as he spit on him. He then delivered a solid kick to the old man’s gut and walked back to Hana to ride home._ _

___**TWELVE YEARS LATER** _ _ _

__Jake sat under their special tree one afternoon more than twelve years after Kevin left. As usual, he carried on his one-sided conversation with Kevin. “I really wish you would come home to me. I miss you so much it hurts. If only we had been more careful with keeping our relationship a secret…you would still be here with me,” he sighed. “If you come back to me, I promise I will be a stronger man for you. We can go far away and live in the wilderness together where no one will ever bother us again. I will do whatever it takes to make that happen. Just…please…come back to me.”_ _

__Jake wiped his tears on sleeve and closed his eyes. He wondered to himself how his emotions could hurt so much more than any conceivable physical injury._ _

___**TWENTY YEARS LATER** _ _ _

__Twenty years have passed since he last saw his lover’s face. But still Jake never missed a trip to their meeting place on the cliff the first day of each month. Hana and Edith both died the previous winter. Jake bought new horses with money he saved. He named the two new horses Hana and Edith, also. He just could not let go of the past._ _

__Alise knocked on his window, but Jake ignored it. She let herself in to his small house and found him curled up in a ball on the floor in the corner. “Come on. Get up, Jake. I will fix you something to eat. You look terrible. When was the last time you ate a proper meal?” she said, trying to be cheerful._ _

__“Not hungry,” was the only response she got from Jake. He made himself into an even smaller, tighter ball as silent tears streamed down his face._ _

__“He is not coming back, Jake. You need to move on,” she whispered as gently as she could._ _

__Jake could not even find words to reply. All he could do was cry._ _

___**FORTY-EIGHT YEARS LATER** _ _ _

__Forty-eight years have passed since Jake last felt the embrace of is precious Kevin, but he never missed a single trip to the cliffs to wait for him. He has made this trip 584 times without fail. Each time he brought Edith along for Kevin to ride home._ _

__Jake’s hair was graying at the temples, and he moved a little slower now than he used to. He has been slowly dying a painful death from a broken heart. He was not just tired, he was exhausted._ _

__He pulled his heavy coat closed around his neck and shoulders as he sat down under their special tree, just like he did every time he came to the cliffs. It was his habit to talk to Kevin here. The falling snow started to accumulate in his hair as he started up his conversation._ _

__“I know you did not leave me alone on purpose. It took me a while, but I think I have finally come to accept that you are gone. I miss you terribly. I am not sure how much more of this life I can do all by myself. I still need you. I…love…you,” were Jake’s last words as he drifted to sleep and passed from this world._ _

__~_ _

__Hana nudged Jake awake with her nose. Jake smiled and looked into the horse’s eyes. Wait, this was the first Hana. The Hana that died so many years ago. He sat up and took a look around. The coloring of his surroundings was different. It was brighter, but at the same time darker…rather like the sun trying to shine through a thick fog. Snow crunching underfoot brought his attention to the man approaching. When Jake saw who it was, tears spilled once again from his eyes._ _

__Kevin stooped down in front of Jake and offered his hand to help his lover to his feet. “It took you long enough, baby. I have been waiting for you for what seems like an eternity,” Kevin said smiling as he pulled Jake to his feet._ _

__Jake opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out._ _

__“I have been here with you every time you came to the cliffs to bring me home. Every single time I sat beside you, held you when you cried, watched over you when you slept. You were just unaware of my presence,” Kevin tried to explain, knowing that it would not make sense._ _

__Jake touched Kevin’s face and said, “I missed you so much.” He could no longer hold it back. He sobbed tears of joy onto his lover’s shoulder._ _

__“Come on, Jake. Let’s go home,” Kevin said, with a huge smile on his face. They led the original Hana and the original Edith by the reigns as they walked away hand in hand, both men crying and laughing at the same time. They truly had a love that would last for all of eternity._ _

__~END_ _


End file.
